UPDATE: What a Best Case Scenario looks like.

Sometimes, people really surprise you, ya know? When my child came home upset over an insensitive lesson taught before Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I prepared myself for a fight. I asked around for others' perspectives, I gathered lists of resources, and I carbon-copied emails, ready to take it to the superintendent of the school district (or the governor's office, if I didn't get a satisfactory response). I put on my armor, ready to do battle for my child.

Well, I may have been a bit over-prepared.

On Friday, I contacted the school counselor, and she spoke with my child's teacher. Monday was a holiday, and Tuesday was a teacher in-service day (so, no school for kids). I sent the teacher an email that day, with a resource list (I'll tack that on to the end of this post, for your reading pleasure.) The principal of the school called me directly - the teacher had already come to speak to him. His question was, "What can I do to help?" The teacher called me, and left a voicemail with four possible times in the next two days when she would be available for a conference.

The principal forwarded my resource list in a very diplomatically worded email to the entire staff of the school, for other teachers to be able to access. My husband and I scheduled a conference on a morning we could both attend, feeling slightly less prickly after all the positive messages we'd already received.

The teacher sat at the table with us, visibly upset. She told us she'd been positively sick all weekend, knowing that she had hurt my child the way she had. She told us that initially, she felt defensive of her lesson (as I think anyone would, in her position), but after thinking about it all weekend, she realized that she was, in fact, mistaken.  In her mind, the dark-haired/light-haired groups were random (yes, this school is predominantly white) - she hadn't thought about how that might have grouped children in ways that would leave some of them feeling truly marginalized. She asked us for advice as to what to do next. She listened. She changed her lesson plans.

She had always prided herself on being progressive, inclusive, and tolerant. Combating prejudice and promoting empathy are part of her mission as an educator. She is a good person, and a good teacher. And she made a mistake. She made no excuses - she owned it. She apologized.

It doesn't erase the mistake, but it does make me feel more optimistic about the future. She will be an ideal voice for change around her, because I think she now sees how we can all be blinded by privilege, especially when we spend most of our time surrounded by people who look, think, and live like we do. My child got a chance to feel heard, and to see a change in the world around him because of it. His friend had a chance to take a stand for what he believed in - something that his mother tells me has been a pivotal moment in his young life.

I told my child about this meeting, and how impressed I was with his teacher, and with his courage to stand up for himself. When I told him that night, "You can change the world," he smiled. And he believed me.

If you're interested in that resource list, here it is. 

http://www.npr.org/2012/01/16/145309336/teachers-discuss-how-they-approach-mlk-day (Teachers from a variety of backgrounds discuss their lesson plans)

http://www.educationworld.com/a_lesson/lesson248.shtml (alternative lesson plans for MLK Day)

http://loveisntenough.com/ (A website for race conscious parenting)

http://news.yahoo.com/martin-luther-king-jr-american-life-different-without-185640690.html

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/divided/ (A Frontline show on the original experiment, dividing classes by eye color to demonstrate segregation)

http://colorlines.com/archives/2012/01/resolved_to_make_change_this_mlk_day_heres_a_guide_to_doing_it_all_year.html (How to Be an Activist All Year Long)

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video?id=2452826 (ABC's 20/20 feature on Stereotypes in America)